


Flowers, Tides, Memories

by gurajiorasu



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 11:37:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8749144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gurajiorasu/pseuds/gurajiorasu
Summary: When the world is already too polluted and dangerous to walk on in daily basis, people connect through their minds. They walk into each other's head; into each other's dreams and the universes that their minds create. Having been in Nino's head for countless times, Ohno knows one thing for sure: Nino still thinks about Jun every now and then.





	

Camellias. There are always a lot of camellias in the universe inside Nino’s head when Nino thinks about Jun, Ohno realizes. They don’t appear very often, but when they do, Ohno always notices; since they show up everywhere, decorating the entire place with a soft shade of pink and a hint of purple. Nino doesn’t seem to be aware of this happening and its implication, but Ohno does, and he is more curious about it rather than appalled.

“Oh-chan,” Nino calls, being aware that Ohno is distracted. “What are you thinking?”

Ohno looks away from the camellias and focuses on Nino’s pout. He giggles and answers truthfully, “You.”

Nino rolls his eyes. He walks ahead of Ohno and mutters, “I’m here.”

“Doesn’t mean that I can take you out of my head,” Ohno shrugs. He follows Nino to a bridge over a small stream and sits there, their feet dangling in the air. They savor the scenery—it’s probably Nino’s projection of somewhere real, Ohno notes—but Ohno’s mind is still on the camellias. It’s been awhile since the last time Ohno saw them and, somehow, today they are more vivid than before. “Hey, Nino,” Ohno says while looking at the camellias floating on the water, finally succumbing to his curiosity, “What kind of a person is Jun?”

Nino frowns and some more camellias appear out of nothingness. The new camellias are red, striking and bold. He is now aware that he is thinking about Jun and he is irritated. Pink is Nino’s color of longing, while red is Nino’s color of anger.

“He’s dead,” Nino mutters. “He better be.”

“Still,” Ohno insists. He grabs Nino’s hand and tugs him until Nino’s head falls to his shoulder. “What kind of a person is he?”

More camellias appear. They are red. They are purple. They are rosy pink. Some camellias have mixed colors. Some camellias are withered. Some of them are floating and some others are falling from the sky.

Nino doesn’t budge to answer Ohno, but Ohno couldn’t bring himself to let this slip. “I can not put a face to his name. I can’t even put it if he’s a kind guy or a scary guy,” he says.

Nino sighs, closing his eyes to calm his anger down. He doesn’t like to have an argument with Ohno, so he gives in. He revisits the memories he’s dying to forget and starts describing Matsumoto Jun that he knows, “He’s tall. Taller than me, for sure. He has strong features. He looks like someone who is hard to approach but his smile is—”

Ohno waits but Nino never completes his sentences. He turns to look at Nino and finds that Nino is closing his eyes tightly and massaging his temple, as if he’s fighting a cruel headache. Ohno gets worried and squeezes Nino’s shoulder. “Nino?” he whispers carefully.

Nino opens his eyes and sighs audibly. He raises a finger to the sky but looks at the other direction. “Just look at that,” he says.

A frame appears in front of them out of the sudden. Inside of it, a sketch is forming. The sketch is black over white paper and it looks like it's going to be a sketch of someone's face. By the way Nino is refusing to look at the frame despite being the one who is making it, Ohno knows that it is Jun.

The sketch forms wavy hair and a set of defined jaws. It forms the ears with vague details but the lips are drawn line per line with precision. There are dots, multiple of them, near the lips. The man in question is skinny, Ohno judges by the way his cheeks look, but his eyes show that he is a strong person with determination and will. His eyebrows are thick and his eyelashes are—

Suddenly the frame breaks into pieces and falls into the water. The stream is roaring and the sketch disappears within seconds. Nino is mad.

“Hey,” Ohno whispers, startled that his surroundings have turned iridescent and Nino has rendered uncharacteristically still. “Hey, Nino, are you okay?”

Nino takes a deep breath and pushes himself away from Ohno. He stands up, abruptly and with force, then takes brisk steps across the bridge. The trees and the flowers are wilting. The sky is turning grey. A house forms right ahead of Nino and Nino opens its door.

Ohno briefly thinks that Nino would enter the house and close the door behind him, shutting Ohno out and turning the connection between them off. He thinks that he will be kicked out from Nino’s connection soon, sweaty and restless in real life because Nino is mad at him. He thinks that he will have to wait for days until Nino would let him in again. He thinks that he has finally stepped over the boundaries.

However, Nino stops right before he gets inside the house. He turns to look at Ohno and says while avoiding Ohno’s eyes, “Let’s go inside. Please?”

Ohno knows that the house is Nino’s manifestation of protection and comfort. He knows that when Nino makes the house appear, it means that Nino is feeling attacked and vulnerable. This tells that Nino is still pretty much affected by Jun and his disappearance, as much as he acts like he’s over it.

Something gnaws inside Ohno as he stands up and walks towards the house. Something crawls in him, bugging his mind with uneasiness that he knows for sure is not jealousy.

As Ohno gathers Nino in his arms, engulfing him with warmth and making him forget about Jun for the time being, his mind goes to the unfinished sketch of a man that has been destroyed to pieces.

When the morning comes, the camellias are nowhere to be seen. Ohno and Nino are still inside the house, cuddling in one of the countless bedrooms. Nino has calmed down and he’s back to his usual self that Ohno loves deeply. No one has brought Jun up again and there’s a silent agreement between them to just forget about what happened without talking about it.

“I need to connect to work,” Nino breathes to Ohno’s chest, disappointment is thick in his voice.

The whole place is starting to get blurry, indicating that Nino’s designated time to connect to his work connection is nearing. Ohno pulls Nino’s head closer to his chest and plants a kiss on top of Nino’s head, “I’ll miss you today too.”

Nino nods. “Should I connect to you tonight?”

“No,” Ohno shakes his head. “Let’s disconnect tonight. You need to get a real sleep, Nino. Connecting doesn’t let your brain and body rest properly.”

“I’m okay,” Nino counters.

“Neglecting real sleep will exhaust you,” Ohno combs Nino’s hair with his fingers. “It will exhaust _us_. I will sleep too, I promise,” he revises, knowing that this might be more effective to be used against Nino.

Nino sulks. His hand grips on Ohno’s shirt tightly. “Tomorrow, then?” he tries.

“Okay,” Ohno smiles and lands a kiss on Nino’s forehead.

“Yours?” Nino asks, looking at Ohno with hopeful eyes.

Nino likes to be in Ohno’s head and Ohno is happy because of it. He smiles and nods. “I will try to finish my work early so I’ll be ready when you are, okay?”

“Okay,” Nino answers, beaming happily at Ohno.

The countdown appears and they snuggle closer to each other, closing their eyes so they can feel each other’s presence more before they have to separate. Ohno decides that he will disconnect after this, waking up in his bed, cold and alone, hundreds of kilometers away from Nino.

The moment Ohno is awake, he takes a pencil and a paper from his drawer and draws what he remembers of the sketch of Jun’s face.

### -

Nino disconnects right after work. He plans to sleep early, chasing up on his sleeping hours because, just like Ohno said, connecting is exhausting. He lies on his bed after moving around to loosen his muscles and taking a quick shower, then wills his brain to relax and succumb to a deep sleep. He has turned his connecting device off, plugging the cables off and setting the device away from his bed.

The sleep doesn’t come that easily, though. Every time he closes his eyes, a fragment of his last connection with Ohno resurfaces before his eyes. He sees the frame that he made himself. He sees the sketch, fully completed and formed. He sees Jun, vividly and in details, as if he were seeing the man himself.

Nino groans and sits up, supporting his head on the palm of his hands. He hates this. He hates that he still remembers every line and every curve of Jun’s being. He is irritated, mostly because he doesn’t only remember, but he is also affected by it. He feels angry, he feels sad. He is frustrated and the urge to turn the device on and roam in the lobby to search for Jun is resurfacing.

“He’s dead,” Nino mutters to himself, determined in killing any doubt that is forming in him once again. “He’s dead and gone for good,” he repeats.

In reality, no one really knows what happened to Matsumoto Jun. If he’s really dead, no one has ever seen his body. If he’s not, no one has ever heard anything from him. He disappeared one day without any hint preceding his disappearance. Nino remembers very well that they had promised to meet in Nino’s dream that day. Jun had said that he wanted to fly with Nino, jumping over the clouds in the rhythm of Nino’s newly composed song. Jun had warned Nino not to be late because he missed Nino so much, and Nino was not late that day. He was early and he waited for Jun on top of a cloud, his legs dangling to the rhythm of yet another new song that he’s composing for Jun. He waited and waited, but Jun never came.

The very next day, Nino found that Jun’s ID was no longer exist.

Nino runs his hands on his hair and stands up. He’s too worked up to sit still, so he paces around in his room. Finally, he takes his device with him and plugs it in. He lies in his bed and sticks the transmitter on his temple, and in a few seconds, he’s standing in the connection’s menu.

Nino slowly moves past the _‘Lobby’_ door and the _‘Community Connection’_ door. He stands in front of the _‘Private Connection’_ door and slowly walks through it, his heart is pounding in familiar nerve. Inside it, there’s a wide panel to input the ID a user wishes to connect to. Nino inputs Jun’s ID, which he still remembers very well, and taps enter while shutting his eyes tight.

There are blinks of light. Nino is supposed to be transmitted to Jun’s dream any second now. However, the light washes and there is none. Nino doesn’t feel like he’s afloat. He doesn’t feel a cold, sharp breeze piercing his skin. He doesn’t land in anything. There’s none. None at all.

Slowly, Nino opens his eyes. A massive notification of _‘User Not Found’_ is displayed in front of him in green lettering, blinking and mocking him for the fleeting second of hope that he had. Nino’s body relaxes from his head down to his toes. He scoffs at himself, laughing that he was nervous for nothing.

For a few minutes, Nino just stands there, his palms planted on the panel for him to lean on. He’s feeling better, somehow. He had scenes of breakdowns after doing this in the past, but now it calms him down. It anchors him to the reality, reminding him how fruitless it was to rage on Jun’s disappearance. Knowing only Jun’s ID and the city where Jun lived didn’t help him much in finding Jun. He could only wait until Jun contacts him, since he has never changed his ID, but it has never happened, so Nino selfishly hopes that Jun is dead.

Because if Jun is not, then the only explanation is that Jun _purposefully_ doesn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore. And it’s absurd, because they were completely fine, so Nino’s sanity refuses to take that possibility.

“He’s dead,” Nino says again. It has become some sort of spell for him, even though his heart is screaming in agony every time he says that out loud.

Nino gathers himself and stands up straight again. He looks at the blinking notification ahead of him and forces a smile to trick himself into feeling better. He then reaches for the panel again, inputting Ohno’s ID even though he knows Ohno is not supposed to be connected. He has been in a steady relationship with Ohno for a while now, it makes him feel guilty to still reach out for Jun like this.

Nino looks down and closes his eyes a couple of times, trying to cast away the remaining headache that he got out of some intense turmoil inside his head. The blinking light is there again and then nothing, just like what happened some moment ago. Nino smiles, feeling that what he’s doing now is a bit silly, and looks up, knowing that a notification of _‘User is Not Connected’_ will greet him.

What appears in front of him, though, is not what he is expecting to see. The green lettering is there, blinking and flashing the same. It conveys a different message than the one it showed before, but it is also different from what Nino has in mind. What it shows is _‘User is Connected to a Private Connection Belongs to Another User’_.

Nino blinks, not trusting his eyes. He remembers clearly that Ohno _promised_ him that Ohno will be sleeping tonight. What is shown in front of him proves otherwise. This means that Ohno is connected, and with someone else. He’s not in the lobby to probably check on who’s around. He’s not in a community connection to take care of business or something. He’s in a private connection, which means that Ohno is inside someone else’s dream.

And Ohno is not saying anything about it.

### -

Ohno regulates his breathing as he stares at the panel in front of him. He has put up a missing person announcement with the sketch he drew right after disconnecting with Nino this morning and, to his surprise, someone replied. This has never happened before. Nino has put up thousands of announcements after Jun’s disappearance and no one has ever replied.

When Ohno first met Nino, he has helped putting up some of the announcements too. He then finally fell for Nino himself and resorted in consoling Nino to overcome his lost, because Nino was a mess right then. They started dating months after that and Nino’s effort in finding Jun gradually lessened. It has been almost half a year without Nino doing anything about Jun now, and he has made it clear that the conclusion he comes up with is that Jun is dead.

Jun has been an abstract entity for Ohno up until now. Jun is someone that is missing; some sort of cause that brought Ohno and Nino together. It has all been curiosity for Ohno, harmless and benign even though the thought of Jun is constantly there. The only thing that Ohno thinks about Jun is to find him, because that’s all that he has been doing about Jun even before he fell in love with Nino.

Now, though, when Ohno is faced by a real proof that Jun is exist, alive, and most probably well, his concept of Jun is compromised greatly. Jun is no longer an abstract entity, he realizes. Jun is something real.

The one who replied to Ohno’s announcement was Aiba, a bartender working in the lobby to sell injected liquor for those who, even in their sleep, needs alcohol in their system. Ohno has met him before, prior his meeting with Nino and after. Aiba is the witness of Nino’s devastation, and he is also the witness of the beginning of Ohno and Nino’s relationship. He is some kind of a friend, and Ohno is more than surprised that out of everyone, Aiba is the one to answer his announcement.

“I’ve never had your ID,” Aiba has said when Ohno connected to him, “So I couldn’t let you know when he reappeared a couple of weeks ago.”

Ohno has felt a rush of ice cold feeling down his spines when he heard that.

“He was searching for Ninomiya-san,” Aiba told Ohno, “And I... I told him about you and Ninomiya-san. He’s... angry, I think? I’m not quite sure. He has never appeared in the lobby again after that, but I got his ID.”

After that, Aiba gave Ohno the ID with a plea to never mention his name to Jun. Aiba has grown fond to Jun, Ohno realized, so he probably felt like betraying Jun for giving his ID to Ohno.

Now that Ohno has the ID, it’s up to Ohno to do something with it. The right thing would be telling Nino about this, of course, but he decides against it. He could not afford seeing Nino turn into a heartbroken mess again. If Jun is about to make a reappearance in Nino’s life, Ohno has to make sure that it will not be another tragedy. He needs to know what it is that prevented Jun from contacting Nino before this, if he’s not dead. And if he simply just didn’t bother to contact Nino before, why would he do it now, when Nino is already with Ohno?

Ohno grips the edges of the panel tighter. Aside from his concern about Nino, there’s also this distasteful feeling that resembles an ending on his side. It has always been Jun and Nino before there is him and Nino, and there’s a nagging feeling of how he doesn’t like where this might be going. He might have to let go of Nino, and he doesn’t know if he’s capable of doing that. He loves Nino, and he knows that Nino loves him back. He feels that this would be a very unfair ending if he has to walk out of Nino’s life after this.

Thinking about Jun while assuming that he’s dead is one thing, but _knowing_ that he’s still alive churns a whole new kind of chaos inside of Ohno.

Putting everything aside, Ohno inputs Jun’s new ID in, determined in finding out the fact before thinking further than that. He takes a breath as the light blinks in front of him, hoping that he could be calm enough to face Jun for the first time.

The notification of _‘Waiting for Host’s Approval’_ blinks for about three minutes. In that time span, Ohno thinks that Jun would decline his connection, but then the light appears and he floats in the air, getting through the tunnel of light.

“So you’re Ohno-san,” a voice welcomes Ohno upon his transmission to Jun’s dream.

Ohno lands in a place that is eerily quiet for a dream. There’s nothing in it, only endless view of white and a lump of a human that sits on the floor, leaning his back to a white wall behind him. This must be Jun, Ohno concludes.

Jun smiles, and the smile is so off-putting that it gives uneasy feeling to Ohno.

“So you’re Matsumoto Jun,” Ohno finally replies in the same manner. There’s no bows exchanged between them, only gazes that assess each other. “What’s your excuse?” Ohno asks to the point.

“Does it matter now?” Jun asks back, the smile still hanging on his face. Slowly, his eyes meet Ohno’s and he continues, “Whatever excuse that I have, it’s the reason why you and him is possible. Shouldn’t you be thankful about that?”

Ohno can’t answer to that, for it is true. He just stands there, waiting for Jun’s next words.

“I’m surprised that you bother to come here, though,” Jun says from where he is slumped on the floor. “If you want to make sure that I won’t be coming your way, then don’t worry, I won’t.”

“Where have you been?” Ohno tries to focus on his objective, which is knowing the truth of what caused Jun’s disappearance. He wants an explanation. A good one, that is. From there, he thinks, he will decide if he needs to let Nino know about this.

“What are you trying to do?” Jun asks, burying his face inside his palms and forcing out a laugh. “Just forget about this and go back to... him.”

Ohno is baffled by this reaction. He has expected Jun to attack him; to at least ask him to fuck off and leave Nino alone. But this, Ohno finds, is more irritating than that. That, Ohno could comprehend, but this? Ohno can’t understand this and it agitates him.

“I don’t understand you,” Ohno says slowly, maintaining his patience even though his emotion is starting to get in the way. “He was a mess. You left him without a word and he was devastated because of that. Where were you? Why didn’t you contact him?”

Jun lifts his face and smiles at Ohno. “It’s not relevant anymore, Ohno-san. It’s in the past already. If he was a mess, he no longer is now. I can’t see the problem in this.”

Ohno balls his fists, irritated by Jun’s lack of will to fight for Nino. Jun talks as if Nino doesn’t mean a thing for him and it angers Ohno more than anything. If he were Jun, Ohno thinks, he’d fight harder for Nino. If he were Jun, he’d beat the hell out of Nino’s new boyfriend and take Nino back with him. Nino is worth to be fought for. Looking at Jun practically handing Nino over to him like this is making him angry in the weirdest way.

“I thought you loved him,” Ohno says, his eyes are piercing Jun with rage.

Jun smiles and Ohno has grown hateful towards the smile. “He’s happy now, isn’t he?” Jun points out.

“Suit yourself,” Ohno spits finally, having enough of Jun and his undecipherable smile. He calls for an exit with his mind and a door appears a few meters ahead of him. The moment he steps through it, he will be disconnected from Jun and out of Jun’s head.

“You thought that I loved him,” Jun says, right when Ohno’s hand lands on the handle.

Ohno looks over his shoulder, wanting to know what it is that Jun wants to say.

Jun smiles and it looks painful. Suddenly, the whole place shatters into pieces—the floor, the wall, everything. Ohno and Jun are floating in nothingness, with Ohno’s hand still connected to the door and the shattered pieces around them. The white disappears. The fragments of what once was the wall and the floor are showing pictures. Moving pictures. Memories.

Ohno is surrounded by Jun’s memories being replayed in front of his eyes. There are a lot of Nino. Actually, in every piece of it, there is Nino. Smiling, laughing, crying, sleeping; the whole place is turning into a dome full of Nino.

Jun looks up. His eyes are red and glassy. The painful smile is still there, adorning his face. With a shaky voice, he whispers, “I still do.”

The next second, Ohno is sucked into the door, the connection is cut forcefully by Jun. Ohno doesn’t return to the panel room or to the menu, he wakes up instead, sweaty and out of breath. His heartbeats are drumming in his chest.

He could feel Jun’s pain.

### -

There’s something wrong with Ohno, Nino notices as soon as he is connected to Ohno. The sea in Ohno’s dream today is oddly surging, and it is past sunset, not somewhere around sunrise. Nino had to search for Ohno because he didn’t appear right in front of Ohno like he usually does, and when he found the man, Ohno is in his boat, a few meters away from the harbor.

Nino has planned to confront Ohno about his connection the night before but, seeing all this, he deems that it’s better to set it aside for now. Something that resembles worry is creeping up his neck. He frowns as he says to Ohno, “You know I don’t like being in the boat.”

Ohno, who was looking at the horizon, looks back at Nino and smiles. “You don’t have to be in the boat.”

“Hm?” Nino raises his eyebrow, questioning. He walks to the edge of the pier and sits on a pillar there, facing Ohno. “What happened?” he asks, because something has definitely happened.

Ohno stares at Nino with a serene gaze and then sits on the edge of his boat, facing Nino but turning away to look at the water. “I saw a kid today,” he says. His lips curling on its edges.

“A kid?” Nino frowns even deeper. If it’s a kid, then it must be from the outer world, because kids’ brain couldn’t afford being connected continuously yet. Even then, it’s uncommon to have kids walking around nowadays. The pollution and the low level of oxygen make it highly dangerous for kids to be out in the open.

Ohno nods. “A boy and a dog,” Ohno continues while smiling, “A puppy. They were playing around happily.”

Nino hums, showing that he’s listening. He doesn’t know where Ohno is going with this story, but he wants to know. It’s not every day that Ohno tells him something from the outer world. Hell, it’s not even every day that Ohno goes outside. He works via connection and prefers to stay inside when he has nothing to do. It takes too much just to be prepared to walk outside, Ohno said once.

“They looked... happy together. Really happy. But then”—Ohno steals a glance to Nino—“another boy came, wanting to take the puppy away.”

Nino cocks his head and kicks the air. “I don’t like this boy already.”

Ohno smiles and chuckles. A few seconds later, though, his chuckle falters and his smile turns bitter. “This boy wanted to take the puppy... _back_.” Ohno runs his fingers on his hair and looks up at the sky that is suddenly so dark and cloudy. “Apparently, the second boy is the puppy’s owner, but he abandoned the puppy there for a reason that he refused to tell. The first boy was already feeling attached to the puppy, so he looked very sad and I thought it would be very mean to part him from the puppy.” Ohno looks at Nino. “But the other boy looked so sad too. He was... ruined to see that his puppy was playing with someone else. Who”—Ohno clears his throat and looks away again—“do you think should get to keep the puppy?”

Nino thinks about it. He thinks about the two boys and the puppy. He thinks about them, and what could be the reason of why Ohno looks so emotionally involved in this. Carefully, he answers, “Well, the second boy _is_ the owner.”

Ohno’s body stills. He swallows and asks again, “Isn’t it unfair?”

“It’s also unfair to take the puppy away from its owner just because the first boy spared a little of his time with the puppy,” Nino says. “Actually, why don’t they let the puppy choose? I mean, it’s a puppy, not a rock. He should have a say—or a bark—about this.”

Ohno turns to Nino and stands up. There’s a smile that Nino couldn’t really decipher. Slowly, the water around them turns into something else. It turns into flowers, Nino sees from a closer look. It turns into a sea of blue tiny flowers with yellow centers; forget-me-nots. The pier under Nino’s feet are turning into flowers too and it’s falling, blending into the sea of flowers itself.

“Oh-chan?” Nino asks in panic as he gets to his feet, backing away from the flowers. Something is really, really wrong; flowers have always been something in Nino’s dream, not in Ohno’s. When Nino looks up at Ohno again, Ohno is already right in front of him, gazing at him intently like he’s trying to look into Nino’s soul.

“Come here,” Ohno whispers and takes Nino into his embrace. Then, they fall.

They are falling into the flowers. They are falling, and keep on falling without knowing what is waiting under them. Nino can’t see anything except for the flood of blue and the blotches of yellow. He can’t even see Ohno, who is holding him tight inside his arms. Nino furls his fingers on Ohno’s chest, holding on like his life depends on it. He finally closes his eyes and presses his face on Ohno’s chest, and braces himself for anything that might come afterwards.

When they finally land on something, the world has turned ninety degrees. They are suddenly lying on a bed inside a glass dome that displays a garden of forget-me-nots and raining sky on the outside. Nino is still holding tight to Ohno and Ohno is still hugging him close, almost suffocating him.

“Oh-chan,” Nino tries. He couldn’t see Ohno’s face even if he tries to, because Ohno is trapping him so closely.

“Ssssh,” Ohno shushes him, “Let me hold you, okay?”

“What happened?” Nino asks. This _is_ worrisome.

Instead of answering, Ohno ducks down and kisses Nino’s eyelid. He shifts so that he is on top of Nino and continues kissing Nino’s face until Nino reaches for his cheeks and pushes him far enough to look at his eyes.

“What happened, Ohno Satoshi?” Nino asks sternly. “What is happening?”

“I love you,” Ohno says but his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. He falls on Nino and presses his face to the pillow, right next to Nino’s ear. “Please?” he begs, sounding tired and desperate.

Nino gives in. He nods and lets Ohno pepper kisses all over his skin, his face, his body. He gives in to Ohno, letting Ohno do as he pleases, letting Ohno please him. He lets Ohno touch him, caress him, love him. They make love like they never have before. There is no laughter, no chuckles, no giggles. There are only needy sighs, moaned names, and whispers of love.

When they’re done, Ohno stays on top of Nino, hugging him close and inhaling his scent. It seems like he’s refusing to part from Nino, like this will be their last.

Nino doesn’t like this feeling.

“Oh-chan,” Nino calls while shifting his fingers through Ohno’s hair, “You know you have to talk to me, right?”

Ohno sighs, caressing Nino’s neck with his breath. “As I thought, I really can’t let the first boy to lose the puppy.”

“What?” Nino asks, not getting what Ohno said because it was muffled.

“Nothing,” Ohno answers. Before Nino could scold him, he calls out, “Hey, Nino”—he moves so he could look at Nino’s face—“what do you think about... a third in a relationship?”

Nino remembers that Ohno was seeing someone else without telling him the day before and a chill runs down his spine. “What do you mean?”

“Do you think... it will work?” Ohno pushes through. He tidies Nino’s hair with his fingers.

“What do you mean, Oh-chan?” Nino asks again. Fear is seeping in his voice.

“Do you think you can welcome a third person in your relationship?” Ohno asks again, clearer this time.

Nino freezes. He dreads this. He dreads the time that Ohno would leave him. He has never expected this, though. He has never expected that Ohno would want him to share. Slowly, he answers, “I... don’t know. I’m not sure. I mean— I don’t even know how it would work and—”

“Would you try?” Ohno cuts, holding Nino’s hand in his. “For me? Would you try it for me?”

“I—” Nino starts and pulls his hand away from Ohno. He scoots to his side, creating a distance between him and Ohno. “I don’t think I can, Oh-chan.”

Ohno smiles and laughs sadly. “As I thought,” he says. He sits up on the edge of the bed, looking at the outside of the dome and giving Nino his back. “You see, Nino, I met someone yesterday.”

Nino knows this. He is already hating this even before Ohno elaborates. He dares to ask anyway, “The third person?”

“No,” Ohno answers and chuckles. “I want you to meet him. Tomorrow. Let’s meet in Aiba-san’s bar and connect to him together?”

Nino’s eyes widen. If this person is not the third person Ohno has been talking about, then who is he?

Before Nino could come up with anything, his eyes catch movements outside. Everything is turning into flowers again. It’s raining flower. It’s raining forget-me-nots. Soon enough, the dome is covered with blue petals and yellow centers.

“Oh-chan?” Nino asks, panicking once again.

Suddenly, they both are standing close to the dome’s edge, facing to each other. Ohno leans in and kisses Nino on the lips, chaste and longing. Then, he pulls away and whispers, “The third person would be me, Nino.”

Then, the glass right next to them starts to break, making way for the flowers to flood in and pull Nino out of Ohno’s dream.

### -

Jun doesn’t have anywhere to be. He has barely readjusted to the connection again, and being heartbroken certainly doesn’t help him at all. He has no job, he is not ready to be inside the lobby for long, and he is prohibited from taking alcoholic injection. He has to stay connected, so his connection would get stabilized sooner, but he doesn’t want to be here in the connection. Not when he can’t be with Nino.

A sudden visit from Ohno a couple of days ago ruins his effort in forgetting Nino. His wall has been broken again. His memories of Nino are flooding and they are appearing even without him wanting them to. This is what he hates about being in the connection—about being inside of his own head—he can _see_ everything that is going on in his mind very vividly, and it’s killing him.

When he sees Ohno’s ID requesting him to connect, he almost feels angry, but when he sees that there is another ID following Ohno’s, he wonders if he has gone crazy. Or if _Ohno_ has gone crazy.

It’s Nino’s ID. However Jun looks at it, it’s Nino’s for sure.

Jun knows if he sees Nino, he will lose it once again. He knows, he really knows, that if he intends to stick to his decision, he should not see Nino again, probably for the rest of his life. But Nino is there, and he can not bring himself to reject the connection. It feels wrong. And most of all, his desire to see Nino again is too strong.

Jun finally accepts both Ohno and Nino to connect with him, to intrude his head, and when they both appear right in front of his eyes, he couldn’t look away from Nino even if he tried. He misses Nino too much.

Ohno is the first of them to talk, “Nino, this—”

“What is this?!” Nino cuts. His eyes are on Jun and they are red and glassy. He is furious. “What are you doing here?!” Nino screams at Jun as if Jun has done something very wrong to him.

“I—,” Jun starts, finding that his voice is weak and croaked. “Nino, I—”

“No. Stop!” Nino stretches out a hand towards Jun. He holds his head with his other hand and closes his eyes shut. “You’re dead,” Nino yells. “You’re dead! For God’s sake, I _don’t_ want to see you again!”

Jun’s heart shatters at that. He has expected Nino to hate him, but hearing from Nino himself that he doesn’t want to see Jun anymore is a whole new kind of painful.

Ohno grabs Nino’s arm and pulls him to gain Nino’s attention. “Nino—”

“Shut up, you too!” Nino yells at Ohno’s face. “So, this is what it is, Oh-chan?! So _he_ is the one you’ve been— that—” Nino’s emotion seems to be getting on his way of forming sentences. He gives up in the end and just glares at Ohno. After a beat, he spits, “I hate you. Both of you.” Then, a door appears and he slams it behind him, quitting Jun’s head at once.

Anger towards Ohno is the first thing that Jun feels after he comes to. He _hates_ Ohno.

“What are you trying to do?” Jun asks, balling his fists. “I’ve handed him to you, why the hell did you take him here?”

“He is not an item that you can hand over so easily,” Ohno states, sounding a bit upset. “He loves you. He still does. And I know you still love him too. What do you expect, really? For me to just close my eyes to those facts and act like nothing happened? I’m not an angel, but I’m not an evil either.”

Jun gulps. Ohno is right, but what just happened proved that this is not the best way either. “Look at him. Now he’s mad at the both of us.”

“You’ve been missing for over a year, Matsumoto-san. The only reason that he found acceptable is that you’re dead, because otherwise it means that you were deliberately trying to disappear from—”

“I was _not_!” Jun explodes. He _could not_ reach for Nino, not that he didn’t want to.

“Then, why? Why didn’t you leave him a message or something?”

“I have my reason,” Jun breathes out, feeling weak. Their surrounding has turned into a complete sphere of red now.

“You have your reason that he doesn’t know,” Ohno points out. “He deserves to know it. Go explain it to him, Matsumoto-san. You have no right to leave him in the dark. You have a mouth, talk to him.”

“I—” Jun can’t utter a proper sentence. This is really out of his plan. He doesn’t expect this. He doesn’t count on Ohno being like this.

“You have no other choice but to face this now,” Ohno says, exceptionally calm given the situation. “I will be waiting for him. No matter what happens, I will be waiting for him until he tells me to get lost. So, don’t think that this is me handing him to you.” Ohno smiles a bit. “This is a boy letting the puppy choose.”

Jun doesn’t understand Ohno’s last sentence, but Ohno’s smile speaks volume. He gets it. He gets it that Ohno is not sacrificing or playing hero. Ohno is doing what is right, and he needs Jun to do the same. Ohno probably thinks that he is losing, but he’s doing it anyway.

Jun also thinks that he himself is losing, but apparently the one that truly knows it would be Nino.

“I just want him to be happy,” Jun blurts out before he could stop himself. “And he is happy with you.”

“Of course,” Ohno chuckles. “But I bet he was happy with you too.” He spreads an arm, making Jun aware that his memories of the good times he had with Nino are playing around them again.

Jun blushes. He feels silly for blushing at time like this, but he can’t help it. It feels like Ohno is seeing through him, and Ohno’s calmness in facing the whole thing impresses him. He wonders if Ohno has a storm inside as they’re speaking right now. He wonders if it was easy for Ohno to make the decision to bring Nino to him.

“He will refuse our connection,” Ohno says, not to discourage Jun.

Jun scoffs, more out of fondness than anything. “Yeah,” he agrees. “He will also ignore mails, calls, and notifications.”

Nino will do that for sure. It’s Nino they are talking about.

“I will try to find a way to reach him. I will tell you once I come up with anything,” Ohno promises. A door is already appearing behind him.

“I will too,” Jun says, not missing the chance to show Ohno that he will do his best. At least, he knows that he has to contribute fully in this after screwing up so bad.

Ohno smiles and bows a bit before turning around and reaching for the door.

Before Ohno could open the door, Jun stops him.

“Ohno-san,” Jun calls.

Ohno looks over his shoulder, his eyes inquiring.

“Thank you,” Jun says sincerely and trees are growing in his universe for the first time after a long, long time.

### -

Nino is mad. He feels restless. His mind gets clouded with anger and he doesn’t want to think about the cause. He doesn’t want to unravel this feeling; to dissect it and put a clear mind on it. He wants to forget, but it seems that he _wants_ to be angry for the time being.

Nino has set so any requests to connect to him will be refused automatically. He didn’t connect to his work either. Skipping a day from work wouldn’t be too much of a problem for him right now, he thought. He requested a private connection to the bar instead, intending to numb his nerves with alcohol without getting disturbed by other people.

Nino is already on his third glass of whiskey and he is getting annoyed by the intermittent gazes that Sakurai Sho, his private bartender of the day, throws to him. Forgetting his usual reservation, he barks, “Just say it, already.”

Sho looks like he’s going to pretend that he doesn’t understand what Nino is saying, but then he exhales and loses the tense aura that he has been wearing. Pouring another glass of liquor for Nino, he starts to talk, “I recognize you. You know Aiba-san, right? The bartender in the lobby’s bar? He talks a lot about you.”

Nino rolls his eyes and downs his drink. “Guess there’s no privacy in this shit hole called connection anyway.”

“He is concerned about you,” Sho says. “I don’t know a lot about you, but I gathered that your lost boyfriend has come back?”

“That man is dead,” Nino taps his glass to the table to punctuate every word. “Jun is dead. So dead.”

“I heard that you connected to him yesterday.”

Nino furrows his brows. “You sure know too much, Mr. Bartender.”

Sho shrugs. “The said dead man roamed around in the bar earlier today. He talked to Aiba-san, asking if you’ve been around. Words travel fast, you know.”

Something is choking Nino. It could be the alcohol, really, but Nino knows it isn’t.

Sho takes a glass and starts wiping it just to have something to do. He steals a glance to Nino and asks, “Why are you running away?”

“I’m not,” Nino responds quickly. Almost without thinking.

Sho doesn’t say anything but his face is telling Nino that he is not convinced.

“I just—” Sho’s silence makes Nino feel that he has to explain himself. He starts and pauses because he couldn’t put it in words the first time he tries. “I just don’t want to see him,” he says finally.

“You are weird, Ninomiya-san,” Sho smiles and Nino feels like punching him right on his face. “When he went missing, you were desperate to find him. Now that he’s here, you don’t want to see him.”

Nino can’t answer to that. Sho is right. Putting it like that, Nino is the weird one in this situation. But Sho knows nothing. Sho isn’t the one who stayed beside him through all the nightmares that he has been through.

“Things have changed. He’s too late.”

“What have changed?” Sho dares to ask.

Nino doesn’t answer to that. He grips his glass tight and grits his teeth.

“Your feelings towards him?” Sho prods. Pouring more liquid to Nino’s glass. “If I’m talking too much or stepping over boundaries, please do stop me.”

Nino gulps down his drink. He needs more alcohol. If he doesn’t want to just spit on Sho’s face and disconnect from the private bar, he needs more alcohol. If he’s about to unravel his situation here, with the unexpected help of Sho, he needs more than just 4 glasses of whiskey being injected to his bloodstream while he’s drinking it in his mind.

“I have Ohno-san now, that’s what has changed.” Nino doesn’t know why he’s saying this to an almost complete stranger, but he’s saying it anyway. It lifts a layer of thick fog from his mind.

“But that’s another matter,” Sho points out. “Ohno-san is Ohno-san. We’re talking about Jun-san, right?”

“They’re—” Nino starts abruptly but stops midway. He wants to say that Ohno is not _another matter_ , but he can’t bring himself to say it. It feels wrong to put them as one. It gives the impression that they’re interchangeable. They are _not_ , Nino’s mind screams. They are two different entities that are both so dear to Nino, so in this matter, Sho is right.

“They are...?” Sho prompts.

Nino waves a hand and runs another hand on his face. “Nothing.”

Sho smiles. “So, what have changed? Talking about Jun-san.”

Nino ponders about it. He doesn’t know is the first answer that pops up in his head, but it wouldn’t help. Technically, nothing has changed. Jun has been missing for so long, how could there be some changes when he’s not even around?

“Do you still love him?” Sho asks straightforwardly.

Nino takes a sharp intake of breath. It feels like someone is punching him right in the guts. “I can’t,” he finally says. “I have Ohno-san now.”

“Didn’t we agree that it is another matter?” Sho chuckles a bit. “Not taking Ohno-san into account, do you still love Jun-san?”

“I can’t _not_ take Ohno-san into account.”

“So you don’t love Jun-san anymore?”

“I—” Nino swallows the bile in his throat. “Yeah, I don’t love him anymore.” The words taste bitter on his tongue.

Sho smiles and takes Nino’s glass in his hand. “Then I don’t see what the problem is. I don’t even see why you should be angry at him. You don’t love him anymore. You shouldn’t care that much about him anymore to be this angry.” Sho puts the glass away and puts his palm on the table, supporting himself. “Actually, I don’t even think you’re angry, Ninomiya-san. I think you’re just confused. Or rather, like I’ve said before, you’re running away.”

“Running away from what, exactly?” Nino asks.

“Running away from yourself; from what you feel and what you desire.”

Nino stares at Sho blearily. Sho has definitely talked too much. Way too much, remembering his capacity as a bartender.

“Make up your mind, Ninomiya-san,” Sho says with a soft smile. “Find out what you want, before you lost them both.” Then, he takes a step back from the table, standing formally with a slight bow. “I’m sorry, I didn’t release the alcohol injection as you requested. I really think that you will need your clear mind to think over everything. I’m really sorry that I meddled too much, now I’ll take my leave.”

Nino opens his mouth to stop Sho, but Sho has disappeared before he could utter anything. Sho might get into trouble for behaving like he did, but he doesn’t mean ill, and it reaches Nino.

Nino stands up from his seat, and walks towards the bar’s exit. He’s grateful that Sho didn’t give him any alcohol. Sho was right, he needs his clear mind.

Right then and there, Nino makes up his mind. He’s going to connect to Jun again tonight.

### -

Jun had planned to connect with Ohno this night—or call him, at least—to ask if Ohno has gotten any news about Nino. He has roamed the lobby for the whole day, asking about Nino and trying to connect to Nino, but nothing came up. Right now, though, a notification flashes in front of his eyes and it startles him, making him wonder if he’s hallucinating.

No, it is not from Ohno. It is from Nino.

Jun gets back to his own head in an instant. He stares at the notification, reading every letter twice, and finally accepts Nino’s connection.

In a few seconds, Nino appears in front of him. Nino still looks upset. He gives a hard eye and his movements are reluctant. But he is here and it, in itself, means that he is willing to talk.

“Nino—”

“Before talking, I want to make this clear,” Nino stops Jun from talking, “I’m not here for what he had before. I’m here for a closure. After this, I will go back to my boyfriend and you will go back to whatever life you’re having right now.”

It hurts, but Jun has seen this coming. It is unreasonable for him to hope too much. He nods.

“So explain,” Nino demands.

Jun clears his throat, thinking of where he should start. Finally, he makes a pair of sofas appear instead. The two sofas are the only things that occupy the vast, white space. Jun has found it easier to just display all white in his head; it covers whatever feeling that he is having.

“Please, take a seat,” Jun says, taking a seat on one of the sofas himself. “I’ll show you.”

Nino hesitates for a second but he takes the seat anyway. Jun steals a glance at Nino, taking in Nino’s features from near, and starts projecting his memories in front of them. It has always been like this. Jun’s head has always been full of actual memories, vivid and real, like rolls and rolls of films, while Nino’s head has always been an imitation of the outside, a fantasy world based on something that they have only seen in their early years or in the television.

Jun wonders if the universe in Nino’s head still looks the same. He wonders if Nino still sings. He wonders if Nino still jumps across the clouds and makes it rain with a tap of his shoes.

Jun slaps himself internally and focuses himself.

Nino is there, inside the projection of Jun’s memory, smiling and nodding, saying yes to whatever that Jun was telling. It was the last time they met before Jun was disconnected. Jun was teasing Nino, saying words of love and promises of tomorrow. Jun remembers it vividly. Very vividly. He remembers Nino’s smile, Nino’s kiss, Nino’s soft voice as they were saying goodbye.

Then, Jun was awake. He was disconnected. He got up, taking the device off and putting it down. He wore his coat, his mask, and his oxygen tank. He walked out of his room after that, hitting the quiet and empty road.

“I wanted to go to the shop,” he says to Nino. “You know how I like real food.”

Nino doesn’t respond. His eyes are still on the projection.

Then, the projection shows that Jun stopped on his track. He bent down because he saw something. It was a flower. There was a flower there on the curb. It was small and weak, but it was still a flower. A growing flower. Jun smiled, wide and happy. He squatted next to the flower, and then everything turned black.

Nino turns his head to look at Jun, demanding an explanation.

Jun wants to say that the flower reminded him of Nino, but he knows it’s not the important point right now.

“I don’t know what happened either,” Jun says honestly. “Something fell on me. Or hit me on the head. I lost consciousness for a few hours or something. I don’t know. It was already dark when I woke up and I had dried blood on my head.”

The projection comes back again. Now it shows Jun, with wounded head, putting the connecting device on. He lay on his bed and closed his eyes, but nothing happened. He readjusted the device a couple of times but nothing happened.

“I wanted to tell you first,” Jun admits, “But I couldn’t connect. The device was turned on, but I was not transmitted.”

Nino furrows his brows.

Jun looks at Nino and smiles. He knows this sounds odd. He looks back at the projection which is showing him, already self-patched, in a government office for connecting device problems. “Something was wrong, but not with the device.” The projection shows Jun being gazed suspiciously by the officer and then escorted with force deeper inside the office. “Something was wrong with _me_. It was not that the device failed to connect me, it was me who couldn’t connect. The hit affected my head in some ways that I don’t understand, then, the next thing I knew, I was in government’s custody.”

Nino’s eyes are darting, showing that this baffles him. The projection shows Jun in a small room, trapped and in distress, and Nino takes a sharp breath in.

“I couldn’t connect. My ID was gone. Without the ID, I was no one. I couldn’t contact anyone. There was no money under my name, no properties under my name, for I had no name. I was out of the system. I was astray,” Jun says and everything around them turns grey. It was the hardest time of Jun’s life. “It was not that I didn’t want to contact you, Nino. I couldn’t.”

Nino watches Jun being interrogated. Jun was chained. Jun was cuffed. He was in a jail, and then he was in an operating table.

“The government suspected me for a thousand and one different things that I’m not. They thought I was a terrorist or a rebel. An alien, even. They just couldn’t fathom how anyone could be out of the system without them knowing.” Jun smiles bitterly. “Fortunately, it didn’t last for long. After three days, they were convinced that I really had an accident that caused me to be disconnected completely from the connection.”

The projection shows Jun being in and out of the operating room. He was monitored. He was treated. He tried connecting again and again, but nothing happened.

“They denied my request of reaching you, because they were afraid that if anyone knows about this, it will cause panic,” Jun says. He regrets he didn’t beg harder. Their surroundings start to get darker; he is starting to get overwhelmed by his own emotions. “They promised they were doing the best to get me back inside the system, so I just cooperated, thinking that the sooner I can see you again, the better.”

Finally, the projection shows Jun succeeding in connecting. Jun went to input Nino’s ID the first time, but then decided against it. He went to the lobby instead, meeting Aiba-san who was baffled to see Jun.

“My connection is still unstable, they said, so I decided to go to the lobby instead. Aiba-san told me about you,” Jun chuckles sadly, “And about Ohno-san too.”

Jun inhales a long breath because his tears are threatening to fall. He gets rid of the projection because he doesn’t want Nino to see the embarrassing moment that took place after he discovered that Nino is already with someone else. He was disheveled. He hit rock bottom.

“So, that’s it. The explanation,” Jun says, smiling and swallowing the lump in his throat. “Now that you know this, I hope you can forgive me.”

Nino doesn’t budge. He’s still staring at where the projection was. His eyes are glassy, but it might be just Jun’s head playing tricks with him.

“You are,” Nino says and he swallows. “You are forgiven.”

“Thank you.”

Nino breaks his gaze and scrambles to his feet. He refuses to look at Jun and summons an exit. He walks fast and Jun chases him, capturing his wrist.

This wasn’t in the plan, but Jun couldn’t lie to himself. He misses Nino so much, his chest is about to combust.

“Can you—” Jun starts but the lump in his throat makes it hard for him to speak. “Can you stay?” Jun’s grip on Nino’s wrist tightens. “I— I swear I was ready to give you up, but— but seeing you now, I just—” Jun tries to breathe. “I can’t. I knew it, I can’t. I miss you, Nino. I— I love you.”

A few seconds are spent and nothing happens. Jun has started to lose his hope, but he still holds onto Nino. He is not ready to let Nino go yet. He will never be.

“I’m sorry, J,” Nino says while pushing Jun away.

Then, Jun sees Nino stepping out from his life.

### -

Ohno has heard the news already. Nino went to connect to Jun, so the only thing that he could do now is to wait. And wait, he does.

He couldn’t sleep. He doesn’t want to disconnect but he’s not in the mood to be in the lobby either. Aiba has offered him a private connection to the bar, but he refused it right away. He doesn’t need alcohol. He wants to face this properly. He doesn’t want to run away.

Ohno finally just waits there, in his own head, alone. He sits on a boat, holding a bowl on his lap. Inside the bowl, there is a replica of the universe inside his head. He is reenacting his memories with Nino inside the bowl, watching it like it’s a play that is unfolding before his own eyes.

Somewhere past midnight, a notification appears. Nino is there, requesting permission to connect to him. Without further thinking, Ohno accepts him right away, making the bowl disappear while he’s waiting for Nino to appear.

The moment Nino is transmitted into Ohno’s dream, he steps forward and hugs Ohno tight. “You know I hate it to be in the boat,” he says. His voice is suspiciously shaky and it doesn’t escape Ohno’s observation.

“I’m sorry,” Ohno whispers, hugging Nino back.

Everything melts away. The ocean, the boat, the sky; everything melts. A few minutes later, they are standing in the middle of a garden full of camellias. Ohno couldn’t think about anything else right now.

“It’s done,” Nino says, pressing every syllable on Ohno’s skin. “Me and Jun. It’s all done now.”

Ohno takes it in. There are a lot of questions that he wants to ask, but nothing comes out. He tries to digest the news, but it proves to be hard. Something is out of place, and Ohno realizes that it is his feeling.

Ohno should be happy, but oddly he feels sad.

“Are you sure?” Ohno asks carefully, and it also feels odd. He shouldn’t be asking this. He should just take it as it is.

Nino nods and nods and nods, as if he’s trying to convince himself. “It’s done. He has explained everything and I have forgiven him, but that’s it. I don’t care about him anymore.”

From the tone that Nino uses, Ohno knows that this decision is a hard one for Nino. He is in pain, Ohno could feel it.

“I don’t want to talk about him anymore, okay?” Nino warns even before Ohno could say anything. “Let’s just... move on.”

Ohno exhales a long breath. Nino having a closure means that he has won this battle—that he could keep on being Nino’s boyfriend without worry that he has to let Nino go—but he feels like he’s losing. This is weird. So weird.

Maybe it’s because Ohno could feel that Nino is forcing himself.

Hoping that he wouldn’t regret this, Ohno says, “Nino, just like I said the other day, I wouldn’t mind being the third per—”

“No,” Nino snaps, sinking his nails in Ohno’s flesh. “No one is going to be the third person. Especially you.”

Ohno breathes out. He surrenders, knowing that nothing would be of any use when Nino has taken his decision like this. He makes the ground underneath him torn open, and they both fall until they hit the soft surface of a giant cloud. Ohno keeps Nino in his arms, providing Nino with the sense of safety that Nino probably needs.

They almost spend an hour just hugging like that when a notification appears. Aiba, who now has Ohno’s ID, is calling Ohno.

Ohno answers it, not minding that Nino will be able to hear it.

“Ohno-san,” Aiba’s voice sounds panic. “Is Matsumoto-san with you?”

Hearing the name, Nino looks up from where he’s nestled inside Ohno’s embrace.

Ohno circles his thumb on the skin of Nino’s thumb, instinctively calming Nino down. “He’s not here,” Ohno answers, “What happened?”

“He was here a moment ago, searching for Ninomiya-san,” Aiba says, “He didn’t look so good, to be honest, and then he suddenly disappeared.”

“Disappeared, how?” Nino asks, sitting up abruptly.

“Is that Ninomiya-san?” Aiba asks, but continues before anyone answers, “He disappeared as if he has disconnected, but it was a bit odd because we were in the middle of a conversation. I’ve tried to contact him, but there’s no answer.”

Nino immediately stands up and summons an exit. Ohno barely could chase him and when he does, Nino is shaking.

“What is happening, Nino?” Ohno asks, demanding an explanation.

“Jun had a problem with the connection,” Nino says. His words and action are composed, but his body is trembling. “He was out of the system before. I have to check if he’s still here because this might mean that— He could be—”

Ohno doesn’t really understand what it means or how it could happen. Still, an abundance of worry and a dash of fear grow rapidly inside of him. Grabbing Nino’s hand, he heads to the exit. “Let’s go,” he says.

They both are transmitted to the menu screen. Nino runs straight away to the private connection menu, almost leaving Ohno behind. Luckily, Ohno could get in before the door is closed, and he sees that Nino is already inputting Jun’s ID.

Nino waits with his eyes to the screen. The notification appears a few seconds later, and Nino freezes on his spot.

_‘User Not Found’_ says the notification.

“What is this?” Ohno asks, couldn’t look away from the blinking letters.

“No. No, I must have inputted the wrong ID,” Nino mutters to himself and inputs Jun’s ID once again.

The notification reappears.

“What’s this, Nino?” Ohno demands.

“I don’t know!” Nino snaps, inputting Jun’s ID over and over again. His eyes are not leaving the screen as he talks to Ohno, “He— he says that he was out of the system completely and it took a long time to reconnect. Something with his head— An accident— If he’s out of the system again, then— then—”

“Then we might not be able to reach him again,” Ohno concludes. Now he knows where Jun has been when he disappeared.

Ohno’s heart beats so fast. He fears for Nino. He fears for Jun.

Suddenly, there’s a change on the blinking letters. Ohno and Nino look up immediately, and the notification really has changed.

Jun is here. Jun is still here, in the system. Ohno feels hope wash over him. He dashes to the panel and waits there, next to Nino, holding Nino’s hand.

A few seconds passed and they are seeing lights. They are being transmitted, hopefully to see Jun.

“J!” Ohno hears Nino’s voice screaming. He rubs his eyes quickly, trying to get used to the blinding light that is always in Jun’s head. He sees Jun, but Jun is blurry, like he is not transmitted properly.

Ohno runs after Nino. Just as he catches Nino’s hand in his, the universe turns completely black.

Jun is disconnected while they’re in Jun’s head.

### -

Jun was there. Right in front of Nino’s and Ohno’s eyes. But then, mere seconds later, Jun is gone, along with the whole universe that belongs to Jun.

Nino could see nothing. There is no light in that place anymore. No concrete flooring. No air. No anything. The only thing that Nino could feel is Ohno’s hand that is grabbing his. Warm and real.

“Nino,” Ohno’s voice echoes in the nothingness. “Nino, are you okay?”

He is not okay. He is in fear, thinking that Jun might never come back again.

“Nino, stay with me, okay? Don’t let go,” Ohno says, grabbing Nino’s hand tight.

Nino nods, even though he knows Ohno couldn’t see him.

“Oh-chan?” Nino calls when he finally finds his voice.

“Yes?”

“Let’s wait,” Nino pleads even though it’s ridiculous, remembering that they are not anywhere in particular. “Let’s wait, okay?”

There’s a silence. A long one. About two or three minutes in which Nino starts to think that if Ohno refuses, he would stay here alone, in the dark.

“Okay,” when it finally comes, Ohno’s answer is firm and void of hesitation.

In the nothingness, they float. In the nothingness, they wait. The silence makes Nino think.

“Oh-chan,” Nino calls out again. After hesitating for quite some times, he decides to go on, “I’m sorry.”

Ohno doesn’t respond. He just runs a thumb over Nino’s hand, again and again.

Taking it as encouragement, Nino continues, “I still love him, after all.” He swallows. The guilt is thick and it’s lumping in his throat.

“It’s okay,” Ohno replies in his soothing voice, “I know.”

“But I love you too,” Nino says. “I do! Really!”

After a few audible breaths, Ohno says, “Want to try it?” Ohno pauses. He squeezes Nino’s hand and continues, “A three-person relationship.”

Nino gulps. He was so against it at first, and he is still not sure about it now, but it starts to sound like a solution.

“I don’t mind being the third,” Ohno says. “As long as you—”

“You are not the third,” Nino cuts because the way Ohno is wording it frustrates him. “No one is the third. If we’re doing this, I don’t want anyone to feel like they’re an addition or anything.”

“So, are we?” Ohno asks. “Are we doing this, I mean.”

Nino stops. The idea still doesn’t sit well in his mind, but he loves Ohno and he loves Jun, the idea of picking one over the other is a worse idea. “I’m not quite sure of how it will work,” he says, starting to give in.

“We can try,” Ohno runs his thumb over Nino’s knuckles. “I can share you, if it’s with him.”

“I don’t know.” Nino is still doubtful. In his head, there are a thousand and one scenarios in which this could go wrong.

“Let’s find out,” Ohno says. “Together. Okay?”

Nino squeezes Ohno’s hand until his fingers are hurting. He musters his courage. This is a big step that he is about to make, and he doesn’t want to regret this in the future. He doesn’t want to lose Ohno. He certainly doesn’t. And he doesn’t want to lose Jun. Again.

Finally, Nino nods. “Do you think he will be okay with it?”

Ohno is smiling, Nino could tell without seeing. Ohno is smiling his comforting smile—the kind of smile that Nino loves the most in the world.

“Let’s ask him when he’s back, okay?” Ohno says, soft and assuring.

Hope bubbles in Nino’s chest. He pulls Ohno’s hand, following his arm until he could get a hold of Ohno’s whole body. Nino circles his arm in the middle of Ohno’s body, hugging him, taking in his warmth and scent. “When he’s back,” he agrees.

They stay like that for a long time. They don’t know anymore how long they have been there actually, but they don’t care. Nino has decided that he will wait until Jun returns and he could tell that Ohno will wait there with him too.

Then, flashes of light comes through. “Jun?” Nino screams only to get an echo of his own voice. Flashes of light comes again and, this time, stays. The whole universe turns back into an unlimited space of white, and both Ohno and Nino are falling.

Ohno and Nino land on a soft, white surface. They are still hugging, holding onto each other tightly. When they open their eyes, Jun is there, a few meters ahead of them.

Ohno releases Nino at once, letting him run to Jun’s embrace. He watches as Nino suffocates Jun with his tight hold. He watches as Jun squeezes back. He watches as they kiss. He has to look away when it happens, but without realizing it, Ohno is smiling, wide and genuine.

“Where the fuck did you go?!” Nino scolds Jun and they all laugh, because it’s so typical of Nino.

“I was disconnected,” Jun tells the obvious.

“Don’t do that again,” Nino says.

Jun chuckles and buries his face in the crook of Nino’s neck, “You know that’s not up to me.” Jun then pushes Nino away so he could look at Nino’s face, frowning at him. “You should have summoned an exit, though. It could be dangerous. You weren’t connected to anything. I was worried sick.”

Ohno feels awkward to just stand there. He feels like an intruder. Like a spectator. He summons an exit quietly and intends to get out from there without anyone noticing, giving them time before they have to discuss further about their relationship.

But, Jun’s hand catches Ohno’s wrist.

“Thank God, Ohno-san was with you,” Jun says. Even though he is talking to Nino, his eyes are on Ohno. He then inhales, and then exhales dramatically. “The answer is yes. Yes, I am willing to try. Yes, I can share if it’s with Ohno-san.”

Ohno raises a brow in slight amusement.

“You both were in my head. It might be dark, but it was still my head nonetheless,” Jun explains, chuckling a bit.

Nino looks up. At Jun, and then at Ohno.

“So, from now on, please take care of me, Ohno-san,” Jun says, smiling wide.

Ohno returns the smile, “Please take care of me, Matsumoto-san.”

Nino makes a squeaking voice that might or might not be him getting too carried away by all of the emotions that the moment carries. He hides his face on Jun’s neck and pulls Ohno by the wrist, making them stand so close like they’re doing a group hug.

Ohno chuckles and circles his arm around Nino’s waist, slotting his limb in between Jun’s.

“You are stuck with me now,” Nino says from where he’s hiding, “Both of you. Forever. No way out.”

Jun and Ohno laugh at that. Their eyes meet and they know that they are not doing the wrong thing.

Being stuck forever with the three of them together doesn’t sound so bad, after all.  



End file.
